fire bucky gleason, new mancrush edition

OK, so if you've read Bucky Gleason for the past six months or so you know this isn't a "new" mancrush. He's had it for a while. Only now, with Tyler Myers very close to a possible NHL debut, Bucky gets to harp on it. If Myers is returned to juniors, brace yourself for passing mentions in every column about how stupid the Sabres are for not playing a 19 year old kid.

I use the term "mancrush" because it is my sincere hope that Tyler Myers does not reciprocate any of Bucky's feelings. I have the same hope for Chris Drury. Personally, I believe that in a desk drawer in Bucky's office (or cubicle, or whatever they get over at the News) there is a notebook covered in red ink much like you'd find in a thirteen year old girl's diary, saying things like "I heart Chris Drury" and "Mrs. Chris Drury" and "Mr. and Mrs. Chris and Bucky Drury." Given Bucky's level of affection for Jesus "Chris" Drury, I wouldn't put it past him.

My brother got to this first, so I added some comments because it's my blog dammit.

Thirty years later, Lindy Ruff sounded as if that sick feeling was still churning in his stomach. He was a 19-year-old kid who didn't know what to expect in 1979 when he arrived for his first training camp and saw beasts like Jerry Korab, Jim Schoenfeld and Larry Playfair milling around the Sabres' dressing room.

OK, so this isn't all bad, considering the source. A decent, well presented opening paragraph. Maybe we will go without stupid hyperbole and metaphor, no reference to Sabres bad management, no tired, overused sports cliche, and instead, get a thoughtful column about a bright, young, up and coming Sabres defenceman.

Anyone would have been intimidated. Korab's nickname was King Kong for a reason.

My bad. While I certainly realize I view the world through my extremely sophomoric eyes, it should go without saying that a sentence discussing men in a dressing room, should not be followed by a sentence referring to a man with a nickname "King Kong." Unless the sentence is being written in an Austin Powers movie script.

Schoenfeld was entering his eighth season and already had established himself as a tough customer in the NHL. Playfair would soon enjoy more knockouts than Hugh Hefner.

For the record, it is in paragraph two where we find the first stupid metaphor

"Every guy was 6-4, 200-something [pounds],"

I realize that the media industry generally writes at a six grade level (and based on the paragraph above, a six grade boy's level), but I really don't think we needed the parenthetical clarification of pounds. Do you think one would read that and wonder, "What, 200 meters? 200 degrees centigrade?"

Ruff said. "I thought, "Oh, crap, get me back to juniors.' That's how you feel as a young kid."Ruff spent his first season learning on the fly. In 63 games, he had five goals, 18 points and 38 penalty minutes as a part-time player refining his skills and adjusting to the league. A year later, he was stronger and grittier and finished with eight goals, 26 points and 121 penalty minutes. The next season, he had 16 goals, 48 points and 194 penalty minutes.

For these keeping track, we have now read three paragraphs and there have been exactly zero references to the headline topic, Tyler Myers.

The Sabres should keep that in mind when they decide whether to keep 6-foot-8 defenseman Tyler Myers or send him back to juniors with nothing to prove. The 19-year-old is not eligible to play in Portland based on rules in the collective bargaining agreement. Clauses exist in which he can play 10 games or more and be shipped back, but they're not viable options for various reasons.

ALRIGHT!!!!! FINALLY!!! A reference to Tyler Myers!! I doubt he would have nothing to prove in juniors. After all, if he goes down and plays terribly, he could prove not ready for the NHL. He could prove that the additional season in juniors actually helped his development. He could prove Einstein's Theory of Relativity to bunk. (Oops, bad metaphor, it's contagious).

Basically, they have nine regular-season games to make up their minds.

In reality, they have 10. Which, is 1/8 of the season or 12.5 %. Not a substantial body of work, but not nothing.

Ruff sounded as if the Sabres were teetering on Myers, but it should be a no-brainer.

I have to step aside here, the column's author could be qualified in a court of law as an expert in "no-brainers."

[Ed.'s Note: Not for nothing, but he's 19. Talent doesn't manifest in the NHL at 19 very often. Juniors may not be the worst choice.]

Keep the kid in Buffalo and groom him.

And hopefully he will not frequently find himself a healthy scratch being groomed for nothing but learning how to efficiently sit in a luxury suite. Which I can say from personal experience, is not very difficult to learn.

Surround him with NHL players and coaches.

If he stays in Buffalo, I think it is a given he will be surrounded by NHL players and coaches. I doubt he would end up surrounded by bar league players and mite coaches. The only exception would be if he played for Phoenix.

Give him a year under Doug McKenney, one of the best strength and conditioning coaches in the business, and help him mature.

Of course everyone matures in such an environment, I cannot think of a single Sabre player who has not matured over the past several years. After all, it is....what?.....Oh....I guess Derek Roy is still on the team. My bad.

[Ed.'s Note: Shenanigans. I guarantee you Bucky wrote that sentence only to demonstrate that he knows the name of the Sabres' strength and conditioning coach. Oh yeah, dude? Well, the sister-in-law of the matron of honor at my wedding is a part-time x-ray technician for the Sabres. So THERE!]

Myers was so skinny last year that the Sabres could have wired him back to Kelowna,

I congratulate him for getting through four paragraphs without using a bad metaphor.

[Ed.'s Note: We're not so heartless around here that we don't acknowledge a personal record when they're set.

but that's no longer the case. Ruff said he gained nearly 25 pounds since the beginning of last summer and was pushing 230.

Not for nothing, but I weigh 225, and am a diminuitive 6'0" when compared to Myers. So he isn't huge either. Of course, I am only assuming the 230 is a reference to pounds, since we were not fortunate enough to get a parenthetical clarification as we did above. So strike what I said in the first few sentences as pure and rampant speculation.

He's stronger and more confident after playing well for Canada in the world junior championships. Fifty or so games with the big boys would only make him better.

Or thwart his development with little ice time, injury issues because the big boys can push him around or just a loss in confidence from an inability to play with the big boys.

[Ed.'s Note: Again, the kid's 19. The list of 19 year olds prepared to take on NHL talent nightly is pretty limited.]

Ruff talked about the development process, making sure Big T goes from A to D

What?

[Ed.'s Note: Plaschke-nanigans. Haven't been able to pull that one out in a while. Thanks, Buck.]

without skipping B and C.

WHAT?

Fair enough, but by keeping him they can accelerate the middle steps and make him the A-plus D-man they've lacked for years.

WHAT THE F&%@?!?! STOP WITH ALL THE STUPID LETTERS!

He certainly wouldn't be the first teenager to make the leap from major junior to the NHL.

He also wouldn't be the first teenager to struggle with the leap from juniors to the NHL. But way to use the exception as an illustration of the rule.

[Ed.'s Note: There you have it folks, Tyler Myers is Sidney Crosby. I think in this instance we're going to have to invent a new term here at FBG. It's called "buckyperbole," and it's defined as when Bucky shamelessly inflates either the potential of a player the Sabres don't currently have on the ice (Myers, Tim Kennedy, James Wisniewski, Jay Bouwmeester) or overexaggerates how bad other players are (Tim Connolly, Henrik Tallinder, Toni Lydman, pretty much every Sabre in the post-lockout era who's last name isn't Drury, Briere, or Campbell. On the plus side, new tag! Woo!]

Let's hope money isn't an issue. History suggests the Sabres are worried about starting the clock on his contract, which would get him get back to the bargaining table for dough a year sooner after his three-year rookie deal expires.

Dammit to hell! I really thought he could get through the whole thing without a reference to management and (his opinion) their terrible practices. I really ought to know better by now.

[Ed.'s Note: Yes, you should know better. And, once again, this may not be unreasonable front office decision making. The kid's 19. Another year in juniors means we get him until he's 23. Plus, we have Lydman and Tallinder in contract years on what's an already crowded blue line. Maybe waiting until those two spots open up makes more sense, since Myers would have a better shot at ice time and would therefore be "groomed" more.]

If their roster is overcrowded, make room even if it means waiving a veteran. Toni Lydman and Henrik Tallinder, headed toward unrestricted free agency and not part of the Sabres' long-term future, are good candidates. The Sabres missed the playoffs with them, so they can certainly do the same without them.

Yes, waive a proven NHL asset (Albeit neither great by any stretch, but they have proven able to play NHL minutes). Get nothing in return. Rely on a wild card and hope it works. Sounds like a great plan to me. And I am glad to see that, in the last sentence, we were able to get a sports cliche thrown into the mix.

[Ed.'s Note: I will put some work into demonstrating why waiving Lydman and Tallinder (or just one of those guys) is incredibly stupid. I feel it necessary, because boneheaded gut reactions is what destroys your salary cap. I just don't have the time right now.]

No matter, the kid needs to stay. The Sabres would need to live with his mistakes

At which point I can write columns tearing him up for not being "ready" for the NHL.

knowing he'll improve as he becomes more comfortable. His teammates believe he belongs.

Thanks for quoting a teammate to verify that.

[Ed.'s Note: Thanks for quoting ANYONE to verify that. Someday we'll be introduced to the voices inside Bucky's head that serve as his "sources."]

Ruff acknowledged that Myers is pushing them more than they're pulling him.

Another sports cliche, check.

Myers knew deep down last season that he wasn't prepared for the NHL. Now, he's certain he can. What a difference a year makes. Just ask his coach.

"I do think I'm ready," Myers said. "I need to show that consistency where I can play at this level. I wasn't ready last year. I came into camp wanting to make an impression. It's a lot different this time. I'm looking to make a team."

OK, glad we were finally able to get a quotation from the headlined subject. Disappointed (though not surprised) that it was in the final paragraph after stupid hyperbole, sports cliches and ripping into Sabres management (also no great shock). And it isn't like we got great insight from the kid. We got a few sentences he probably was reading ought of the "Athlete's Handbook for Dealing with the Media: How to say lots of words and say nothing at all" I don't blame Myers, I blame Bucky. I am sure his only questions to Myers were merely countless variations of: "Don't you think the front office sucks if they don't keep you in the NHL this year?

[Ed.'s Note: Not for nothing, but what is "Big T" supposed to say here? "Are you mental, dude? I'm 19, and nobody outside of your column and the Sabres' scouting department knows who I am. I could use another year to develop, so your whole premise here is bunk. But thanks for the vote of confidence."]