Bucky's finally dropped a fresh cut, but we're withholding our wit and wisdom until a later time. Deal with it. In the meantime I'm going to take a moment to complain about a particular pet peeve of mine.
First, I enjoy country music. It's typically mellow, and if it isn't they're probably singing about drinking. Which is always fun. I've been to plenty of country music concerts, and am going to see Keith Urban on October 9th. He's a great show. But there is one particular aspect of country music that drives me crazy. And I'm not talking about Darryl Worley. As least right now, anyways. It's the Nostalgia Song.
Now, fondly remembering earlier days is no real big deal. Nostalgia can be fun, just ask VH1. What I'm talking about if a particular brand of song that talks about how great it was back in like 1951. You can find examples of these songs in plenty of places. I hate them.
I hate the implication that life currently sucks and everything back then was perfect. There's no marvel at our current state, only lamentations that we're no longer back where we were. Yep, it rocked, driving around cars that got about three miles per gallon (oil is limitless, right?), asbestos was a sweet and effective way to insulate your home or especially your place of business, women stayed in the home (where they apparently belong) and those uppity colored folk knew their place. Right? Woo!
It wouldn't be true to say everything we've done to get ourselves to where we all are collectively is beneficial or worth the hassle. We've still got our problems, but the advances we've made in the past half century, while maybe not eliminating or even reducing some of the difficulties we had a while back but at least we're at a point where we can't really deny them anymore. And we have more tools than ever with which to go forward. It may have been easier to decide among three different channels, but it's far more informative to have upwards of 200. Even if most of them are home shopping.
What made this more acute for me lately was Brad Paisley's most recent single Welcome to the Future. I'm a huge Brad Paisley fan, and as this song was playing the first time I was getting a little more angry than usual, because I was so mad one of my favorites would drop one of these. But as I listened to it, this one was clearly different. And as I've listened to it multiple times (thank you Sirius radio) since it's become even clearer why I like it. There's a definitive nostalgic aspect to the song, but it also carries a certain marvel at where we are. It's not just "Wow, life really sucks now. Remember how it used to be awesome?"
The part that drives it home is when the song mentions how the narrator in the song recalls how the runningback on his high school football team earned a hearty cross burning for asking out "the homecoming queen." Thank you, sir, for at least acknowledging that "back when" had its own share of problems. Lacking the media avenues and outlets we have now, it was simpler then only in the sense that you could ignore a lot of that stuff a whole lot easier.
To end, I think it best to hear from Ned Flanders: "I wish we lived in the America of yesteryear that only exists in the minds of us Republicans." There, I said it.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009
offseason
We've pretty much run out of Sabres news for Bucky to offer his incisive commentary on (not that it really matters, as he's been writing the same column--resign Chris Drury!--since 2007 anyways), he's writing fluff. He's not very good at that either.
He was nestled under the sheets when there was a knock at the door of his home in Calgary. It was a subcontractor for the U.S. anti-doping agency, there to administer a random drug test.
This may be important later, I'm not quite sure.
The Buffalo native
These three words explain Bucky's angle. Which angle? Every angle.
and member of the four-man USA-1 bobsled team had no problem with taking the test other than dragging himself out of bed. He has emphatically spoken out against the use of performance-enhancing drugs and welcomes an Olympic-sized platform on which he can continue his crusade.
This is about bobsledding? Ok, I guess. He's a local boy who's an Olympian, and that's kind of cool. But Rochester sends local folks to each Olympics in the form of the fencing team. That doesn't mean people suddenly start to care about fencing.
This will likely be his last appearance. He was an alternate in 2006 in Salt Lake City and finished seventh in 2008 in Turin, Italy.
"It's a tough pill to swallow, but at the same time I'm more excited for what we get to do this year than I've ever been," he said. "I thought I wanted it so bad in 2002. In 2006, when we didn't get it, I thought I wanted it bad. I look back now, and I didn't know what "wanted it' was. Now, it's six months, and I'm chomping at the bit."
Does Bucky Gleason have an editor? At all? If he does, does this person know anything about sports? In any capacity? The Salt Lake Olympics were 2002, the Turin Olympics were 2006. This took me 90 seconds to verify. 2008 saw the summer Olympics in Beijing. Meaning it's either a remarkable feat that this guy managed to finish 7th in Turin in 2008, or incredibly pathetic as he appears to have been racing himself.
There's a perception that he's wealthy because he's a world- class athlete, but he's been broke the better part of his adult life. All along, he's kept his dream alive.
I, for one, find it hard to believe that a bobsledder's broke. What with all that endorsement money to be had.
One constant has been his desire to reconnect with Buffalo and bring the city a winner.
The implication here is that, since Buffalo has never won a Super Bowl or Stanley Cup, we've never been brought a winner. If an Olympic bobsledding gold qualifies as satiating that need, so should six International League baseball championships, four lacrosse titles, and perhaps even more significantly two AFL titles. Winning an Olympic gold medal in anything is impressive. But it doesn't really qualify as "bringing home a winner." No more so than any of those others.
He grew up on Potomac Avenue and was a track star at City Honors, but he remains a relative unknown in his hometown.
Because he's a bobsledder. I could be a world class judo gold medal threat, and I doubt anyone in the area would either know or care.
He recently hired a public-relations firm to help raise his profile and money for his cause.
What cause? Anti-doping? Anti-performance enhancing drugs? This was only alluded to above, I honestly have no idea what he's trying to accomplish as his cause. Bucky's given me clues, but no real answer. I'm reading a sports column, not a murder mystery, I shouldn't have to figure things out as I go. I'd had a bit of a revelation. Not only does Bucky not really know anything hockey, least of all the Buffalo Sabres, he also does not really know anything about writing. Not knowing about hockey, the Sabres, and writing is no real problem. But when they're the first three bullets in your job description, it's a different story.
"I want to be involved. I don't want to come, take money, and leave," he said.
Admirable, I guess. Unlike another local sports celebrity, at least.
Mesler is the kind of athlete with whom people would want to associate. He's a humble, hard-working guy.
He's also great in the dressing room, is a grinder, brings his lunch pail to work, does the little things, doesn't make the big mistake, and, I could keep going...
He's never been arrested or tested positive for drugs.
Not for nothing, but athletes are supposed to not get arrested or take drugs. Now we're giving them credit for simply not getting caught testing positive? I guess that makes me an athlete you'd want to associate with. Though I'm lazy and kind of a jerk.
But for reasons not entirely clear, Buffalo has been reluctant to embrace him.
Again, this may or may not be related to the fact that he's a bobsledder. And not a very accomplished one at that. His World Championship is impressive, but if bobsledding's anything like swimming "accomplishment" amounts to "Olympics or nothing." Kind of like figure skating, or skeet shooting, or archery. To top it all off, bobsledding provided its entirety of compelling stories in one movie. It's tough to try and generate something new and compelling, even for a local guy.
He has spent years envisioning coming home with the gold medal and sleeping peacefully forever.
This is so disjointed from the opening paragraph that I seriously had to read the column three times before I made the connection. He gets paid to do this?
He was nestled under the sheets when there was a knock at the door of his home in Calgary. It was a subcontractor for the U.S. anti-doping agency, there to administer a random drug test.
This may be important later, I'm not quite sure.
The Buffalo native
These three words explain Bucky's angle. Which angle? Every angle.
and member of the four-man USA-1 bobsled team had no problem with taking the test other than dragging himself out of bed. He has emphatically spoken out against the use of performance-enhancing drugs and welcomes an Olympic-sized platform on which he can continue his crusade.
This is about bobsledding? Ok, I guess. He's a local boy who's an Olympian, and that's kind of cool. But Rochester sends local folks to each Olympics in the form of the fencing team. That doesn't mean people suddenly start to care about fencing.
This will likely be his last appearance. He was an alternate in 2006 in Salt Lake City and finished seventh in 2008 in Turin, Italy.
"It's a tough pill to swallow, but at the same time I'm more excited for what we get to do this year than I've ever been," he said. "I thought I wanted it so bad in 2002. In 2006, when we didn't get it, I thought I wanted it bad. I look back now, and I didn't know what "wanted it' was. Now, it's six months, and I'm chomping at the bit."
Does Bucky Gleason have an editor? At all? If he does, does this person know anything about sports? In any capacity? The Salt Lake Olympics were 2002, the Turin Olympics were 2006. This took me 90 seconds to verify. 2008 saw the summer Olympics in Beijing. Meaning it's either a remarkable feat that this guy managed to finish 7th in Turin in 2008, or incredibly pathetic as he appears to have been racing himself.
There's a perception that he's wealthy because he's a world- class athlete, but he's been broke the better part of his adult life. All along, he's kept his dream alive.
I, for one, find it hard to believe that a bobsledder's broke. What with all that endorsement money to be had.
One constant has been his desire to reconnect with Buffalo and bring the city a winner.
The implication here is that, since Buffalo has never won a Super Bowl or Stanley Cup, we've never been brought a winner. If an Olympic bobsledding gold qualifies as satiating that need, so should six International League baseball championships, four lacrosse titles, and perhaps even more significantly two AFL titles. Winning an Olympic gold medal in anything is impressive. But it doesn't really qualify as "bringing home a winner." No more so than any of those others.
He grew up on Potomac Avenue and was a track star at City Honors, but he remains a relative unknown in his hometown.
Because he's a bobsledder. I could be a world class judo gold medal threat, and I doubt anyone in the area would either know or care.
He recently hired a public-relations firm to help raise his profile and money for his cause.
What cause? Anti-doping? Anti-performance enhancing drugs? This was only alluded to above, I honestly have no idea what he's trying to accomplish as his cause. Bucky's given me clues, but no real answer. I'm reading a sports column, not a murder mystery, I shouldn't have to figure things out as I go. I'd had a bit of a revelation. Not only does Bucky not really know anything hockey, least of all the Buffalo Sabres, he also does not really know anything about writing. Not knowing about hockey, the Sabres, and writing is no real problem. But when they're the first three bullets in your job description, it's a different story.
"I want to be involved. I don't want to come, take money, and leave," he said.
Admirable, I guess. Unlike another local sports celebrity, at least.
Mesler is the kind of athlete with whom people would want to associate. He's a humble, hard-working guy.
He's also great in the dressing room, is a grinder, brings his lunch pail to work, does the little things, doesn't make the big mistake, and, I could keep going...
He's never been arrested or tested positive for drugs.
Not for nothing, but athletes are supposed to not get arrested or take drugs. Now we're giving them credit for simply not getting caught testing positive? I guess that makes me an athlete you'd want to associate with. Though I'm lazy and kind of a jerk.
But for reasons not entirely clear, Buffalo has been reluctant to embrace him.
Again, this may or may not be related to the fact that he's a bobsledder. And not a very accomplished one at that. His World Championship is impressive, but if bobsledding's anything like swimming "accomplishment" amounts to "Olympics or nothing." Kind of like figure skating, or skeet shooting, or archery. To top it all off, bobsledding provided its entirety of compelling stories in one movie. It's tough to try and generate something new and compelling, even for a local guy.
He has spent years envisioning coming home with the gold medal and sleeping peacefully forever.
This is so disjointed from the opening paragraph that I seriously had to read the column three times before I made the connection. He gets paid to do this?
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
bucky battles reason
And, instead of losing miserably, for once it's kind of a draw. But don't worry folks, though Bucky was accurate, or at least semi-accurate, in his extended column today (to which: Woo!), he still squeezes in stupidity and wrongness.
By the time the thunderstorm left town, the clouds cleared and the sun returned, the facts hadn’t changed Monday. Patrick Kane and his cousin, James, were still facing felony robbery and other charges after a dustup with a cab driver over 20 cents.
He gets better, but this lead-in is pretty lame. The severe thunderstorm was going to clear the Kanes? Did Frank Sedita think that, by enduring significantly heavy rain, thunder, and lightning, the Kanes somehow served their time? What?
Just like your mother always said, nothing good happens after midnight.
My mother never said this. And if you want to believe this, you better pray that the Sabres never win the Stanley Cup in a road game on the West Coast.
At the very least, Kane was guilty of first-degree stupidity.
As a repeat offender, I actually trust your expertise here.
Blackhawks General Manager Stan Bowman, who was raised in Williamsville and welcomed Kane into his Chicago home to help him get adjusted to life in the NHL, can’t be too amused.
Does the Buffalo News even have a sports editor? How does this nonsense still make it through? This sentence should read "Blackhawks General Manager Stan Bowman, who welcomed Kane into his Chicago home to help him get adjusted to life in the NHL, can’t be too amused." The fact that Stan Bowman happened to once live in the area adds nothing to anything. Ever.
rumblings about [Kane] having a big mouth and cocky attitude have grown louder over the past year in South Buffalo and beyond. He has gained a reputation as a braggart and big-timer...You haven’t heard much about his behavior because it was mostly spread through anecdotal tales that lacked legal testimony and hard evidence. They were often dismissed, at least by me, with the idea they came from jealous critics.
Ok, a big giant shenanigans here.
Shenanigans
Thank you. We haven't heard about Kane's being a big-headed idiot because you don't report it because it "lacks legal testimony and hard evidence?" 1. Since when do you care about "hard evidence"? and 2. legal testimony? In order for you to print something it needs to be under oath? Do I need to start having these posts notarized? This is perhaps the dumbest thing Bucky Gleason has ever written. And, as evidenced here, he's written a lot of dumb things.
All along, behind the scenes, people were talking. After a while, all the brush strokes added up to a painting. The picture of him became that of an insufferable, self-absorbed athlete who took his fortune for granted and was too big for his britches.
You'd be best to disclose to Paul Cambria who all these people are. Apparently they've been giving you legal testimony, and Cambria should be prepared as they may be called by the prosecution as witnesses.
For what it’s worth, Kane has always been respectful to me. He’s proud of Buffalo. You want him to do well because he’s a local guy who has worked hard to become a great player.
Ah, the truth. Kane has always been respectful to you, therefore he can't be a problem. Congratulations, sir, you've just become Woody Paige. That is NOT a compliment. And you've mischaracterized why I want Patrick Kane to do well. I want him to do well because he is a talented young player who will be a free agent next summer. Actually, I take that back. I want him to do poorly, become more affordable, sign with the Sabres, and then do well.
That's really about it. In the end, Pat Kane will take some heat, but it'll die down and within the next two hockey seasons nobody will care (if not sooner). For now, I await Bucky's insight on the Sabres' bringing back Mike Grier.
By the time the thunderstorm left town, the clouds cleared and the sun returned, the facts hadn’t changed Monday. Patrick Kane and his cousin, James, were still facing felony robbery and other charges after a dustup with a cab driver over 20 cents.
He gets better, but this lead-in is pretty lame. The severe thunderstorm was going to clear the Kanes? Did Frank Sedita think that, by enduring significantly heavy rain, thunder, and lightning, the Kanes somehow served their time? What?
Just like your mother always said, nothing good happens after midnight.
My mother never said this. And if you want to believe this, you better pray that the Sabres never win the Stanley Cup in a road game on the West Coast.
At the very least, Kane was guilty of first-degree stupidity.
As a repeat offender, I actually trust your expertise here.
Blackhawks General Manager Stan Bowman, who was raised in Williamsville and welcomed Kane into his Chicago home to help him get adjusted to life in the NHL, can’t be too amused.
Does the Buffalo News even have a sports editor? How does this nonsense still make it through? This sentence should read "Blackhawks General Manager Stan Bowman, who welcomed Kane into his Chicago home to help him get adjusted to life in the NHL, can’t be too amused." The fact that Stan Bowman happened to once live in the area adds nothing to anything. Ever.
rumblings about [Kane] having a big mouth and cocky attitude have grown louder over the past year in South Buffalo and beyond. He has gained a reputation as a braggart and big-timer...You haven’t heard much about his behavior because it was mostly spread through anecdotal tales that lacked legal testimony and hard evidence. They were often dismissed, at least by me, with the idea they came from jealous critics.
Ok, a big giant shenanigans here.
Shenanigans
Thank you. We haven't heard about Kane's being a big-headed idiot because you don't report it because it "lacks legal testimony and hard evidence?" 1. Since when do you care about "hard evidence"? and 2. legal testimony? In order for you to print something it needs to be under oath? Do I need to start having these posts notarized? This is perhaps the dumbest thing Bucky Gleason has ever written. And, as evidenced here, he's written a lot of dumb things.
All along, behind the scenes, people were talking. After a while, all the brush strokes added up to a painting. The picture of him became that of an insufferable, self-absorbed athlete who took his fortune for granted and was too big for his britches.
You'd be best to disclose to Paul Cambria who all these people are. Apparently they've been giving you legal testimony, and Cambria should be prepared as they may be called by the prosecution as witnesses.
For what it’s worth, Kane has always been respectful to me. He’s proud of Buffalo. You want him to do well because he’s a local guy who has worked hard to become a great player.
Ah, the truth. Kane has always been respectful to you, therefore he can't be a problem. Congratulations, sir, you've just become Woody Paige. That is NOT a compliment. And you've mischaracterized why I want Patrick Kane to do well. I want him to do well because he is a talented young player who will be a free agent next summer. Actually, I take that back. I want him to do poorly, become more affordable, sign with the Sabres, and then do well.
That's really about it. In the end, Pat Kane will take some heat, but it'll die down and within the next two hockey seasons nobody will care (if not sooner). For now, I await Bucky's insight on the Sabres' bringing back Mike Grier.
Monday, August 10, 2009
stupidity knows no limits
Bucky has been relatively quiet lately, writing mostly fluff. But, thankfully, Terrell Owens has set his circus down on the football field once more, so we instead get this insightful analysis from our Bucky Gleason of the Day, John Wawrow.
On the field for only one series, Owens had two catches for 27 yards, including a 16-yarder on the second play from scrimmage. Trent Edwards hit Owens in perfect stride on a slant, and the receiver had the opportunity to score if not for a perfect tackle by cornerback Cortland Finnegan.
Granted he qualifies the tackle as "perfect," making it seem somehow more difficult. However, this only distracts from the general premise he's making here, namely "if he hadn't been tackled by the defense, T.O. would've scored a touchdown." That, folks, is what happens when you're paid to do this stuff.
In a similar game note, if Aaron Schobel had not been blocked by the offense, he would've sacked quarterback Kerry Collins.
On a similar, yet unrelated note, if Thomas Vanek's shots had not been blocked by various goaltenders, he would've scored more goals last season. Also, Cole Hamels would have struck out more batters this season if they hadn't hit the baseball. And, of course, the Buffalo Sabres would've won the last two Stanley Cups if they hadn't let Chris Drury (The Consummate Winner!) walk.
EDIT: I wrote this without the benefit of having seen the replay of this "perfect" tackle. Now that I have, I can say with great confidence that John Wawrow needs to proofread his material before he sends it off to the editor. This tackle was "perfect" insofar as it brought T.O. down. Finnegan had a linebacker crossing the field AND safety help, so if his tackle was not perfect T.O.'s scoring opportunity was still quite small. Shenanigans on you, John Wawrow. Sportswriters can't complain about T.O. being a diva media whore, and then turn around and feed his ego.
On the field for only one series, Owens had two catches for 27 yards, including a 16-yarder on the second play from scrimmage. Trent Edwards hit Owens in perfect stride on a slant, and the receiver had the opportunity to score if not for a perfect tackle by cornerback Cortland Finnegan.
Granted he qualifies the tackle as "perfect," making it seem somehow more difficult. However, this only distracts from the general premise he's making here, namely "if he hadn't been tackled by the defense, T.O. would've scored a touchdown." That, folks, is what happens when you're paid to do this stuff.
In a similar game note, if Aaron Schobel had not been blocked by the offense, he would've sacked quarterback Kerry Collins.
On a similar, yet unrelated note, if Thomas Vanek's shots had not been blocked by various goaltenders, he would've scored more goals last season. Also, Cole Hamels would have struck out more batters this season if they hadn't hit the baseball. And, of course, the Buffalo Sabres would've won the last two Stanley Cups if they hadn't let Chris Drury (The Consummate Winner!) walk.
EDIT: I wrote this without the benefit of having seen the replay of this "perfect" tackle. Now that I have, I can say with great confidence that John Wawrow needs to proofread his material before he sends it off to the editor. This tackle was "perfect" insofar as it brought T.O. down. Finnegan had a linebacker crossing the field AND safety help, so if his tackle was not perfect T.O.'s scoring opportunity was still quite small. Shenanigans on you, John Wawrow. Sportswriters can't complain about T.O. being a diva media whore, and then turn around and feed his ego.
Monday, August 3, 2009
smorgasbord!
The beauty of Bucky's Sunday columns is that he takes the opportunity to write, in bulleted form, about many different topics. Whatever happens to be on his mind. Of course, as per usual, he's generally wrong. For whatever reason, this week's edition wasn't published until Monday.
The Little League World Series will begin later this month, taking its place on national television and reminding us about the fundamentals of baseball. Every year players look bigger and stronger, throw harder, hit farther. It's either that or advanced equipment.
Seeing as how most of those kids are like 19 and playing with phony birth certificates, I'm going to go with the players being "bigger and stronger, throw[ing] harder, hit[ting] farther." But what advanced equipment are you referring to?
If the Williamsport, Pa.-based governing body for Little League wanted to take the lead on youth baseball for the sake of safety, it would implement rules making wood bats, or the equivalent, mandatory on all levels. They're inviting a tragedy with the titanium bats that create a trampoline effect when hitting a ball.
OK, so metal bats make the kids hit the ball farther. Check. Now how are they bigger, stronger, and throwing harder? [Hint: he doesn't say, he just wanted to complain about the bats.]
EDIT: After rereading this particular section I noticed something else that left me confused. Wood bats "or the equivalent" would become mandatory? What's "equivalent?" Bamboo? Pergo? And while it may be true that baseball "invites" tragedy with titanium bats, I think it's a bit truer to say that when a guy is clubbing a hard projectile (with speeds in the 70s and 80s) with a stick (be that stick metal, wood, or wood's "equivalent") tragedy, of the highest level, is being "invited." Just ask the Coolbaugh family.
If the technology existed to put bats on steroids, equipment can certainly be toned down.
Um, what? Attention all English professors: if you happen to be looking for an example of a classic incomprehensible non-sequitur, well, you're welcome. Moving on...
Maxim Afinogenov led the Sabres in scoring with 73 points during the 2005-06 season, when they reached the conference finals,
Any time anybody wants to bitch about Max, they should be required to preface each and every clause of each sentence with this fact. In 05-06 Max had 73 points in 77 games, which works about to about 77 over the course of 82 games. J.P. Dumont (to pick a random former Sabre that nobody harps on at all ever) that same year? 40 points in 54 games, or roughly 60 points over 82 games. In 06-07 Dumont had 65 points in 82 games, Max had 61 in 56 games. I'm not saying Max's play didn't steadily (and rapidly) deteriorate the last two years, I am saying that blaming the front office in 2009 for a decision that made sense in 2007 is stupid.
Nobody wanted him last summer or at the trade deadline last season. Apparently, the lack of interest had less to do with his $3.5 million contract and more to do with his ineffectiveness.
So perhaps it's time to stop harping on how the Sabres didn't move him last summer or at the deadline last season? Maybe? Please? Moving on...
Brett Favre spent months teasing the Vikings before announcing last week that he would stay retired from football, but it sounded more like he was retiring from training camp. Favre doesn't need two-a-day workouts and three weeks in a college dorm to take over an offense,
Unfortunately, Brett Favre is 40 years old and needs, like, four-a-day workouts to stay well enough in shape to survive an NFL season. But, hey, bringing in a 40+ QB midway through the season is a surefire way to secure your Super Bowl ring. Which is why Vinny Testaverde has so many. Moving on...
Just a guess, but I would imagine Brad Faxon, who is 230th on the money list with $36,442 this year, wished he had Tiger Woods' problems.
Did Brad Faxon go over to Bucky's house and kick his dog or something? Seriously. This is the only thing Bucky wrote about him, and I couldn't find anything linking Brad Faxon to Tiger Woods recently. Moving on...
Matthew Stafford's contract with the Lions included $41.7 million in guaranteed money. Mark Sanchez became the highest-paid player in Jets' history with a five-year deal worth $50.5 million. Neither player has taken an NFL snap. For the umpteenth time, the NFL needs a hard NHL-style salary cap for rookies.
Or, I don't know, NFL owners and GMs could stop throwing money into draft pick garbage cans and lighting it on fire. I'm not saying these deals are reasonable, I am saying that (much like the salary cap crises throughout the NHL right now) the problem here is one created by the very people complaining about it.
The Little League World Series will begin later this month, taking its place on national television and reminding us about the fundamentals of baseball. Every year players look bigger and stronger, throw harder, hit farther. It's either that or advanced equipment.
Seeing as how most of those kids are like 19 and playing with phony birth certificates, I'm going to go with the players being "bigger and stronger, throw[ing] harder, hit[ting] farther." But what advanced equipment are you referring to?
If the Williamsport, Pa.-based governing body for Little League wanted to take the lead on youth baseball for the sake of safety, it would implement rules making wood bats, or the equivalent, mandatory on all levels. They're inviting a tragedy with the titanium bats that create a trampoline effect when hitting a ball.
OK, so metal bats make the kids hit the ball farther. Check. Now how are they bigger, stronger, and throwing harder? [Hint: he doesn't say, he just wanted to complain about the bats.]
EDIT: After rereading this particular section I noticed something else that left me confused. Wood bats "or the equivalent" would become mandatory? What's "equivalent?" Bamboo? Pergo? And while it may be true that baseball "invites" tragedy with titanium bats, I think it's a bit truer to say that when a guy is clubbing a hard projectile (with speeds in the 70s and 80s) with a stick (be that stick metal, wood, or wood's "equivalent") tragedy, of the highest level, is being "invited." Just ask the Coolbaugh family.
If the technology existed to put bats on steroids, equipment can certainly be toned down.
Um, what? Attention all English professors: if you happen to be looking for an example of a classic incomprehensible non-sequitur, well, you're welcome. Moving on...
Maxim Afinogenov led the Sabres in scoring with 73 points during the 2005-06 season, when they reached the conference finals,
Any time anybody wants to bitch about Max, they should be required to preface each and every clause of each sentence with this fact. In 05-06 Max had 73 points in 77 games, which works about to about 77 over the course of 82 games. J.P. Dumont (to pick a random former Sabre that nobody harps on at all ever) that same year? 40 points in 54 games, or roughly 60 points over 82 games. In 06-07 Dumont had 65 points in 82 games, Max had 61 in 56 games. I'm not saying Max's play didn't steadily (and rapidly) deteriorate the last two years, I am saying that blaming the front office in 2009 for a decision that made sense in 2007 is stupid.
Nobody wanted him last summer or at the trade deadline last season. Apparently, the lack of interest had less to do with his $3.5 million contract and more to do with his ineffectiveness.
So perhaps it's time to stop harping on how the Sabres didn't move him last summer or at the deadline last season? Maybe? Please? Moving on...
Brett Favre spent months teasing the Vikings before announcing last week that he would stay retired from football, but it sounded more like he was retiring from training camp. Favre doesn't need two-a-day workouts and three weeks in a college dorm to take over an offense,
Unfortunately, Brett Favre is 40 years old and needs, like, four-a-day workouts to stay well enough in shape to survive an NFL season. But, hey, bringing in a 40+ QB midway through the season is a surefire way to secure your Super Bowl ring. Which is why Vinny Testaverde has so many. Moving on...
Just a guess, but I would imagine Brad Faxon, who is 230th on the money list with $36,442 this year, wished he had Tiger Woods' problems.
Did Brad Faxon go over to Bucky's house and kick his dog or something? Seriously. This is the only thing Bucky wrote about him, and I couldn't find anything linking Brad Faxon to Tiger Woods recently. Moving on...
Matthew Stafford's contract with the Lions included $41.7 million in guaranteed money. Mark Sanchez became the highest-paid player in Jets' history with a five-year deal worth $50.5 million. Neither player has taken an NFL snap. For the umpteenth time, the NFL needs a hard NHL-style salary cap for rookies.
Or, I don't know, NFL owners and GMs could stop throwing money into draft pick garbage cans and lighting it on fire. I'm not saying these deals are reasonable, I am saying that (much like the salary cap crises throughout the NHL right now) the problem here is one created by the very people complaining about it.
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