fbg: bowhunting (yes, bowhunting) edition

I know it's been a while. It's tough to devote the time necessary to sufficiently plead my case for why Bucky Gleason should no longer be paid to comment on sports, particularly in written form. Plus, with Terry Pegula taking over the Sabres, the rhetoric has changed dramatically.

So, it brought a little sense back to my world when Bucky wrote this tribute (?) to bowhunting. Yes, bowhunting. Bowhunting. I'd say I'm speechless, but obviously...

The World Bowhunting Championships were held last weekend at Holiday Valley for the fourth straight year, a fact that begged for two questions: A) Who knew the world championships of anything were staged in our back yard and B) bowhunters had world championships?

Answers: A) bowhunters and B) bowhunters. Although I will admit this is one sporting event of which my Dad, someone who actually warrants a bumper sticker reading "I Brake for Whitetail Deer (also, wild turkeys)", probably wasn't aware.

I'll come clean. I know nothing about hunting. I have no interest in hunting. I shot a gun once. Hunting to me will remain one of the great mismatches in history until animals start shooting back.

I look forward to future insight into how NASCAR isn't a sport because the car does all the work.

Still, I have neither an overwhelming admiration for wildlife nor an ounce of disdain for hunters. It's just not for me.

Except for, you know, thinking hunting isn't a sport. Which it is, if you count "sleeping in the woods" as a sport.

In the interest of full disclosure, if not too much information, I stumbled upon Ken Watkins, the director of the International Bowhunting Organization, in a bathroom while spending a few days in Ellicottville. He explained the event and invited me for a closer look

Soooo, uhh, are we still in the bathroom?

-- hockey, meet Hee Haw -- and introduced me to Jeff Hopkins.

Seriously, are we still in the bathroom? Because if we are this whole pretense is bullshit. As a veteran guy who has been in numerous bathrooms I can say with great confidence that no guy, ever, anywhere, has ever introduced himself to a complete stranger in the bathroom. Ever. Anywhere.

Who is Jeff Hopkins? Think: Michael Jordan. The difference is that Hopkins is a better shooter.

Jeff Hopkins is a markedly tall bald black man with significant success in the NBA? Oh, I get it. He's arguably (or at least widely considered) to be the best bowhunter in the history of bowhunting.

He was looking to improve his accuracy for hunting purposes 20 years ago, became proficient enough to shoot competitively and within three years was earning enough money from professional bowhunting to make it his career. In between competitions and hunting trips, he practices on his farm in Columbia, Ky.

Since he's Michael Jordan, I'm assuming he was also initially cut from his high school bowhunting team and ultimately nailed the game-winning arrow in the NCAA bowhunting championships.

"I always wanted to be a professional baseball player," said Hopkins, whose father was born in Olean. oh boy "I was a pitcher. I wanted to throw 90 mph. Everybody has those dreams. It didn't quite work out. But, now, I'm pinching myself."

Just to make sure everybody's following along: Jeff Hopkins, professional ballplayer dreams shattered, has now apparently fulfilled, or exceeded, those dreams bowhunting.

Well, he's certainly not pinching pennies. Plaschke-nanigans! I admit, I was getting a little nervous. Hopkins, 42, made $200,000 one year and figures he pockets around $125,000 annually when all the prize and sponsorship money is added up. It's not a bad living, assuming you can hit a target about the size of a half-dollar, on a three-dimensional artificial animal, from 50 yards away, while judging various elements such as wind and equipment. Points range depending on accuracy.

Sounds a lot more sporting than shooting at unarmed animals.

If that doesn't work, try making holes-in-one for a living. It seems easier.

"Most people know football, basketball, baseball and the other sports, but they don't know about this," said Levy Bryant, of Pensacola, Fla.

Primarily because most people don't, you know, bowhunt. There's a reason the hunting section is tucked in the corner of Dick's, and you have to walk past all the baseball, football, basketball, and other sports stuff to get to it.

"We are the big leagues of archery. When you come off this mountain, everybody knows you're the best. This is our Super Bowl."

Levi Morgan, one of the biggest names on the circuit, considering that, apparently, in order to make the bowhunting big leagues you need to be named some variation of Levi won the open world championship. Organizers estimate he pocketed between $50,000 and $75,000, depending on his contract with sponsors and how much money the event generated.

You're a wealth of accuracy here.

Hopkins was among the favorites but struggled.

So he choked?

Jordan didn't always score 40.

Yeah, but he never choked.

Spend time with them and you quickly realize that they're superstars in their own right.

Extreme emphasis on "their own."

Hopkins estimated that 90 percent of competitive archers know his name. It sounds right. Bowhunting fans fawned over him last weekend.

I can imagine both of them were ecstatic. Also, remember Jeff Hopkins is to bowhunting as Michael Jordan is to basketball. Do you think any competitive basketball players do not Michael Jordan's name? Even now when he hasn't played in years?

Yes, there are bowhunting fans. He signs autographs. He has his own website. Because if there ever was a measure of greatness, it's having a website. Kind of like how having a blog makes you a good writer. He even acknowledged there are bowhunting groupies out there, a fact that irritates his wife. Seriously, dude, women dig bowhunters?

"Hey," he said, "I don't get it, either."

I can only imagine what these groupies are like. I picture something like this.

If nothing else, it tells you that people are drawn to excellence no matter the sport. Outdoors channels have seen increased interest. Some 3 million kids participate in archery, but bowhunting will forever remain in the backdrop when stacked against other sports.

So, the moral of the story is people are drawn to excellence unless that excellence is in something nobody really cares about because they're more interested in other stuff?

And that's fine for the elite such as U.S. women's champ Cara Fernandez, who makes more money shooting in some years than she does at her full-time job in a skilled nursing facility. Darrin Christenberry is an electrician who in his best season took home $140,000.

Please note that, after referring multiple times to how successful bowhunters can sustain themselves bowhunting, and have their own websites (!), we learn that they actually have to maintain full time jobs. I'm starting to want these fifteen minutes of my life back.

"To shoot a bow for a living? How many people can say they do that?" Hopkins said. "Not many. That's pretty cool."

Apparently, just you.