fire bucky gleason, bucky gleason edition

Mike Grier will continue to wait. With the NFL opening up the regular season yesterday (to which: WOOOOO!) I figure I should capitalize on that rarest, and most delightful of occasions when Bucky writes about the Bills. Like one of the commenters notes, Bucky somehow manages to know less about football than he does about hockey.

Tom Pietras is a longtime friend and diehard Bills fan, which makes our annual encounter more intense than a handshake and idle chatter about the kids. He’s been a season- ticket holder for years.

Not for nothing, but a "longtime friend" is one you only encounter once a year? That's kind of sad. No wonder Bucky's always so negative. He has no friends. But this Tom guy sounds nice enough, I mean I don't fault anybody for being a diehard Bills fan. Especially if he's held season tickets for so long.

The Bills’ logo is tattooed to his arm.

Nevermind. I take that all back. Tattooing a sports team logo to your arm? That makes you a freak.

Invariably, we bump into each other before the season and make a $20 wager on the number of Bills’ victories for the year. This might surprise you given my cheery nature and general positive outlook, but I always take the under.

I think Bucky's being facetious here. I think.

Sure enough, I found him last Saturday at Kaz’s bar in Blasdell, screaming at the television while the Bills’ starting offense embarrassed itself against the Steelers.

EDIT: Shameless plug!

I watched that game. Buffalo's starting offense didn't embarrass itself. It humiliated itself. Trent Edwards has less business being on an NFL field than J.P. Losman, which is sad considering J.P. Losman couldn't sign with anybody. Anywhere.

He looked vulnerable, so I didn’t bother saying hello. It was a perfect time to strike. I would low-ball him with a suggestion of six wins, knowing he would jump on the over.

If you've been lowballing him like this for the past few years, he hasn't been an eternal optimist. It's easy to take the over if you're only offering six wins. Recently you can easily say "Hey, the Bills may be bad, but they're not only five wins bad."

Are things really that bad out there?

For the Bills, yes. It's been ten solid years since they made the playoffs. Ten. Not two. Ten. Also, the Bills did not win a single divisional game last year. Not one. They were 0-6 in the AFC East. Only two other teams in the league didn't win a divisional game, and they're not exactly company Buffalo wants to keep (St. Louis and Detroit, better known as the teams that drafted first and second in April). So, yeah, pretty bad. This is one team local fans and sports media should be complaining about.

Once you break down the uninspiring Bills under their uninspiring coach, a fourth consecutive 7-9 season sounds like it would be an achievement.

Up until about a week ago, I would've disputed that. Terrell Owens, for all his nonsense, should have added depth and dimension to an otherwise vanilla offense. But then Jauron fired his offensive coordinator, they cut their "solution" at left tackle, and their quarterback still doesn't have the stones to throw the ball downfield. Barring something unforeseen (and since I'm basing this on the preseason, everything's unforeseen.. what a god-blessed waste of time the NFL preseason is) Buffalo will be fortunately to win four games. Those thuds you hear are all the national football writers falling off the Bills bandwagon.

It would have been nice if Bills coach Dick Jauron bucked the system Thursday and used the final preseason game as a tuneup for his offense rather than evaluate his 10th and 11th defensive backs.

Did they seriously have eleven defensive backs on the 75 man roster? I doubt that. Your use of hyperbole here sucks, sir.

Yeah, I know, it’s the preseason.

Also known as a waste of time. Where nobody reveals anything because they're convinced football's some twisted game of poker or something. And trying to get the offense in synch during the preseason isn't exactly foolproof. Detroit was 4-0 in the preseason last year. Then their offensive juggernaut apparently derailed on opening weekend.

They didn’t want anybody getting injured, especially Trent Edwards, Terrell Owens and Lee Evans.

Exactly. If they had played these guys and one went down for four weeks, you'd be bitching about how stupid Jauron was for playing those guys.

But after watching the starting offense produce three points and seeing Owens stand on the sideline for three of the first four exhibitions, they could have benefited from a few more series under game conditions.

For the third time, preseason is stupid and should not qualify as "under game conditions."

Of course, if you ask the Bills, everything is under control.

What do you expect them to say? Yes sir, boy do we stink. We're just trying to make it to January with everybody keeping all their limbs attached, while we bilk to local fans out of their hard-earned money (even though nobody in this town has any, as per Ralphie Jr. anyways).

Edwards hasn’t confirmed he’s ready for the breakout year they desperately need from their quarterback. He still looks indecisive, perhaps because he hasn’t found anyone open.

It is my mission this year to prove to everybody just how crappy Trent Edwards is. At best he's a game manager who may get lucky if a defense overcommits. What he is, generally, however, is a scared guy who can't figure out the 3-4 defense and checks down on every play because he's too gutless to throw the ball downfield. Don't blame this on Terrell Owens not getting open, and don't blame this on Lee Evans not producing. It's not Lee's fault. He produced just fine with J.P., a lousy QB to be sure, but one who at least had the stones to throw downfield. Lee's running free in the secondary because the defense knows Trent won't even look for him. So don't blame Lee Evans.

Evans is making No. 1 receiver money. It’s about time he beats double teams and gets off the line of scrimmage like other big-time receivers in this league.

Or, you know, do.

The reshuffled offensive line remains unstable going into the opener. Running back Marshawn Lynch is suspended for the first three games. Their defensive line is hardly imposing even with rookie Aaron Maybin looking good.

Offensive line sucks. Check. Marshawn is out because he's stupid off the field. Check. Defensive line sucks. Check. First round pick rocks, though. He did rack up a pair of sacks in the preseason. But they were against Ben Roethlisberger, who holds on to the ball so long you figure he's trying to hold the runner on first or something, and Matthew Stafford behind the Detroit Lions' offensive line, where Maybin might as well have lined up at fullback.

At least they have Brian Moorman.

Best punter in the league. So blessed good it drives me crazy. Others might try to tell you Shane Lechler or Mike Scifres is the best, but they don't have to punt in the Ralph Wilson Stadium wind tunnel. Moorman's Buffalo's team MVP like seven years running, and probably the only punter in the league who sells jerseys.

But six wins? What was I thinking? It’s hard to imagine four.

Mark your calendars folks, the first time Bucky and I have ever agreed on anything.