There are some things that simply don't fit neatly into words. Perhaps it's best that way. The last few days for me qualifies as some of those things.
To say the rollercoaster started at 9:30 on Thursday night when Tina went in to labor and ended at 5:42 on Friday morning when Drew announced his arrival with a hearty scream would be a lie. This ride started back in September, and there is no end in sight from where I sit here.
I could mull this over for hours, and write pages. But maybe it's best left to simplicity. I can't describe it, I can't write it up, I can't present it in such a way for whoever reads this to understand. All I can really say is you have to experience it.
You have to experience that moment when your wife runs into the bedroom and jumps on your back too early in the morning for your taste, waving a pregnancy test and almost squealing "It's POSITIVE!"
You have to experience that moment when you collect your family to announce the news, even though you're so damned excited and so hopelessly transparent they've pretty much figured it out.
You have to experience that moment when you head off to the doctor's office and they find that heartbeat down around your wife's belly button that first time.
You have to experience that moment when the sonographer hits the lights, and finds that little mystery smudge's face for the first time.
You have to experience that moment when the sonographer pauses the feed and says "It's a boy." And, graciously, points an arrow at what she's looking at because all I see is a smudge.
You have to experience that moment of panic when your wife calls to tell you she's heading in for an unscheduled visit because he's not moving enough. And you have to experience that moment of sweeping relief when she calls to tell you everything's fine. And you should never, ever, under any circumstances, try and get reliable information from the internet. All it does is freak you out.
You have to experience those moments in between and ongoing when you pick out a color for his room, and paint the walls. When Gramma's almost as excited as you are (almost), and never stops by empty handed. When everybody tells you to calm down and stay sane, because everything will happen when it's supposed to.
You have to experience that moment when your wife tells you she's been having contractions for an hour (and hadn't told you sooner because she didn't want you to get too excited).
You have to experience that moment when the contractions haven't stopped after four hours and you call the doctor at 1:30 in the morning. And the moment after when the doctor tells you to head to the hospital.
You have to experience that moment when the doctor pauses and says it's time to send you in, because that baby's coming out.
You have to experience that moment when the doctor pulls him out. You have to experience that very first look. You have to experience hearing him cry for the first time.
You have to experience holding him for the first time, and watching his eyes dance simply at the sound of your voice. You definitely have to experience watching your wife give him a kiss for the first time.
You have to experience following him to the nursery, and watching him finish getting measured.
You have to experience holding your wife's hand as she recovers, and waits to see the little guy only she could really feel for the last thirty-eight weeks. You have to experience the sheer joy she has when she can finally hold him after he's been wheeled in.
You have to experience having your family pass him around, fighting to hold and kiss him.
You have to experience that first, and failed, attempt at a diaper change. And how inadequate you feel when compared to the nurses who do this for a living. And you have to experience that first successful diaper change, because now you know where everything has to be.
You have to experience that very first moment when he's inconsolable and screaming. Even though his diaper's fresh and he just ate. And all it takes is a close nuzzle from Daddy and he calms down. You have to experience and adjust to the fact that you are now actually "Daddy."
You have to experience it, because I have. And it's amazing. The only other thing I can say for certain at this point is love at first sight is very very real.
Drew Mason
May 29, 2009
5:42 am
7 lbs, 5 oz
20 in
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